How to Handle Rejection in Coaching Without a Meltdown (Hint: Don’t Take It Personally)
When I first thought about writing a blog on handling rejection in coaching, I came up with a nice, polished title: "How to Handle Rejection in Coaching: Reframing 'No' and Building Resilience." All those buzzwords we coaches love to throw around—rejection, reframing, resilience—sounded good on paper, but as I sat at my desk rereading that title over and over, I thought to myself… “What a load of total BS.”
Let’s talk about the word "rejection" for a second. What comes up for you when you hear it? Maybe it’s just me, but I picture two people walking away from a conversation. One person is shuffling along, shoulders slumped, defeated, feeling like they were just told they’re not good enough. The other person? They’re strolling away, whistling, carefree, or maybe even skipping through the sunshine.
Loser. Winner.
Failure. Victor.
Couldn't care more. Couldn't care less.
Someone says "no" to your free coaching session. A potential client decides they don’t want to invest in coaching with you. A current client takes a break from the relationship. But notice how we always insert ourselves into every scenario? We pit ourselves against our clients, thinking we’ve been rejected.
Well, here's a reality check: Coaching is a partnership, not a competition.
The problem isn't learning how to bounce back from rejection. It's that we even feel rejected in the first place. That "no" hits some deep, vulnerable spot within us—the inner child that thinks, "I’m not good enough." Then, we spiral into a pity party and wonder if we should just quit coaching and go back to that cushy 9-5 job because clearly, we suck at this.
I say this with love: We need to get over ourselves.
And then there’s the word “resilience.” When we think of resilient people, we picture their tenacity and courage in the face of adversity. We imagine people who turned into heroes after tough situations. We envision triumph over trauma.
But let’s get some perspective here. A client didn’t want to coach with you. They made a choice that, chances are, has absolutely nothing to do with your worth as a coach. (And even if it did, so what? Have you ever had a client who just wasn’t a great fit for you? It happens.)
I did a little fun research on the original meaning of the word "resilience." It comes from the Latin word resilire, which means "to spring back" or "jump back up." Now that’s more like it, right? (Did you just hear Tubthumping by Chumbawamba in your head? Just me again?)
Nowhere in the definition of resilience does it say, "Sit on the ground, wallow in your feelings, and think about how you’re less-than." No, it’s more like: Jump up! Spring back! Keep moving!
So, here’s how I suggest handling rejection:
Coach: “Would you like to work with me?” Client: “No.” Coach: “Awesome! If you or anyone you know might want coaching in the future, let me know! Have a great day!”
Then, go on with your life. Move on to the next potential client.
There are 8.2 billion people in the world. The odds of all of them saying no are pretty slim.
The worst thing you can do is let the fear of hearing “no” stop you from offering your services. The only rejection that matters is when you say “no” to yourself. We've all been there—too afraid of rejection that we shut ourselves down before anyone else can. But when you say "no" to the risk, you’re also saying "no" to your dream. And that’s the worst rejection of all.
Now, let’s wrap this up with a fun analogy for such a heavy subject.
Imagine your coaching is like a triple-decker, decadent chocolate cake with creamy fudge frosting. It’s your signature dessert. You love baking it, and it’s amazing. You carefully slice it, plate it beautifully, and offer it to people who might enjoy it.
Some will say no because they’re on a diet. Some will say no because they just ate and are too full. Some might have a gluten allergy. Maybe it’s Lent and they gave up chocolate. Maybe they just don’t like chocolate.
Do you get upset? Do you take it personally? Do you shove the cake in the back of the cupboard and have a meltdown? Do you throw it away, sobbing in the kitchen?
Of course not. You use those “nos” as feedback. Maybe the Weight Watchers meeting wasn’t the best place to offer chocolate cake. Maybe try again after Easter. Maybe they’ve never tried chocolate and just need a little sample.
Whatever happens, you spring back. You keep offering your cake to people because, hey, lots of people love chocolate cake. And once they try it, they’ll ask for seconds. They’ll rave about it to their friends.
Final Takeaways:
Rejection isn’t personal. When a client says no, it’s not a reflection of you as a coach. Don’t pit yourself against your clients.
Resilience is about bouncing back. You don’t need to wallow. Just spring back and keep going.
Don’t let fear stop you. The real failure happens when you say "no" to yourself before anyone else does. Take risks, and keep offering your services.
Use feedback to improve. Every “no” is just a piece of valuable feedback to help you refine your approach.
And finally, remember:
Lots of people will love your coaching just like they love chocolate cake. Keep serving it up with confidence.
